Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
