My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
