i wish there were pregnant emoticons
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Someone signed my nipple.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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