No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize