I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
