Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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