why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize