tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
