I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
