I accidentally burped into my bong.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
