You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
