Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
