I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
