mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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