Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
i think i just lost a toe
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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