its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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