So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
