I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
