My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
