Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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