I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I want to be your penis for a week.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
