margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
