So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
