Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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