as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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