So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
