I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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