i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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