eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
