Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Randomize
