Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
