well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
