After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
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Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
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my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
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