i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
