I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
