So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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