I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
