STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
