If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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