just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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