Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
