My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
being pregnant is like rehab
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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