Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
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