Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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