is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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