For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
