she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
