I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
