today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm just crazy horny about you
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
