Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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