i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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