Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
