How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
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Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
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I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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