I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
