it was like eating out sand paper
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Randomize
