we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
