I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
