I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
