Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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