just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
