Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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