What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize