I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
