We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
