This is not my ceiling
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
